I'm not sure why I put that little baby in the bubble ticker thing on this blog now that I look at it. It seemed like a great idea at the time. I thought it'd be so much fun to watch the days dwindle by and realize we were getting closer to the big day. Now, I look at it and it says 56 days and i realize that's a little over a month and that's not a lot of time and I kind of start to get sweaty and breathe funny and feel shakey.
Really, we have 8 weeks left as of now. That's two months, and we could even go another 10 weeks if this baby is overdue so there could, potentially be a lot of time left. BUT, in my head we only have about four weeks left. This is totally due to having Nate at 36 weeks (due to pre eclampsia) and it swarms around my thoughts constantly. Even though this pregnancy, our living situation, our care provider, our support network are all vastly different and much better than they were with Nate's I still can't shake that feeling that this baby will come early too. I take my blood pressure everyday and it's never been more than 130 and that was during a massive headache at like 22 weeks. It's consistently low when I take it here at home and at my midwife's office. She's even commented that if she hadn't read the report from my last pregnancy she wouldn't have believed I had/have blood pressure issues. This is incredibly comforting to me. It doesn't gurantee anything of course, my BP with Nate was in the normal range until 36 weeks, but this vote of confidence in things does make me feel better.
So for now, I'm just getting through. A big part of me wants to be done being pregnant. I'm having major back pain lately and it's getting a lot harder for me to walk around - especially first thing in the morning. I'm just reaching that end phase of pregnancy and yes, I'm lusting for that newborn phase and seeing our family complete. BUT, I'm not ready to be there just yet. Do you hear that BP? Stay down! I can take the back pain, the leg cramps, the limited wardrobe, the winded walks up the driveway - I'll happily take all of it to get a healthy baby and have a peaceful, not induced birth. Fingers crossed!
In the meantime, I'm going to stop looking at the ticker. It seems arbitrary now given that it's just counting down to the day that I'm most likely to give birth, and not the day I will. It's no crystal ball.