Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Tuesday Tunes


Pass me the scalpel, I’ll make an incision
I’ll cut off the part of your brain that does the bitching
Put it in formaldehyde and put it in the shelf
And you can show it to your friends and say
“that’s my old self”



Elijah Wood as Ad Rock? Brilliant. Can you figure out who plays MCA and Mike D? What about at the end? This is easily one of the best videos I've seen in a while. See if you can keep track of all the celebrity cameos, I lost count...


Make Some Noise - Beastie Boys

[Ad-Rock]
Yes, here we go again, give you more, nothing lesser
Back on the mic is the anti-depressor
Ad-Rock, no pressure, yes, we need this
The best is yet to come, and yes, believe this

[Mike D]
Leggo my Eggo while I flex my ego
Step off my Seco, dressed up tuxedo
Sipping coffee, playing Keno in the casino
Want a lucky number, ask Mike Dino

[MCA]
I burn the competition like a flamethrower
My rhymes age like wine as I get older
I’m getting bolder, competition is waning
I got the feeling and assume the lane and


We got a party on the left, a party on the right
We gonna party for the motherf-cking right to fight
Make some noise if you’re with me
Make some noise if you’re with me

[Mike D]
Armed insurrection, popular election
Get paid every year like tax collection
Hear my perfection, rotary connection
Taking MCs down by lethal rap injection

[MCA]
I’m like an ornithologist when I get pissed
You must have drank a fizzy-lifting drink and you got lifted
And sifted, I’m just whiffed
And when I catch MCs it’s time for wing-clipping

[Ad-Rock]
I fly like a hawk, or better yet an eagle
A seagull, I sniff suckers out like a beagle
My ego is off and running and gone
Cause I’m about the best and if you diss than that’s wrong

We got a party on the left, a party on the right
We gonna party for the motherf-cking right to fight
Make some noise if you’re with me
Make some noise if you’re with me

[MCA]
Pass me the scalpel, I’ll make an incision
I’ll cut off the part of your brain that does the bitching
Put it in formaldehyde and put it in the shelf
And you can show it to your friends and say “that’s my old self”

[Ad-Rock]
Can’t do me nothing, can’t tell me nada
Don’t quote me now because I’m doing the lambada
The forbidden dance, here’s my chance
To make romance in my B-boy stance

[Mike D]
Parlay romancing into the financing
Opened up a restaurant with Ted Danson
The roaches check in, but they never check out
I set the record straight, no doubt

We got a party on the left, a party on the right
We gonna party for the motherf-cking right to fight
Make some noise if you’re with me
Make some noise if you’re with me



Sunday, May 29, 2011

House Buying Chronicles Part 3: The Grass Is Always Greener Over The Leach Field

(This is not the actual house, but a very close likeness)

To bring you up to speed, we’d put in an offer on three houses at this point, but none of them were successful. Two were basically ignored, the third turned into a painful lesson about getting attached to a home before you should. So, onto house number 4! We ventured out of our preferred price range a bit with this one, thinking that if we could stretch our budget just a bit more we could avoid bank owned houses with challenges.

So again we head out with our agent and look at three houses. We rule out the first as being too small in living space and a bit farther away than we want to be, the second is out because it’s a 2 bedroom dressed up like a 3, and we consider the third house. It’s a raised ranch with a fully finished downstairs, which means 6 bedrooms, 2 full baths and plenty of space for a family of 5. When I say consider I mean I nag Tim relentlessly about it. I try to be subtle, but I have never been good at it. At the end of the week we decide to make an offer on the house. We signed a contract with the sellers on Wednesday and scheduled our home inspection for Thursday.

This was the second home inspection we’d had done on a property but the first one I’d been to. If you ever get the chance to go on a home inspection, I highly recommend it. I mean it! Ok, maybe it’s just because my dad was a carpenter and I grew up around him working, building, visiting job sites, but I still think home inspections are pretty neat. You get to see the real bones of the house in some ways, and discover what really makes up a good home. Also, imagine the stuff you get to see on that job?! I mean some of it you don’t want to see I’m sure, I don’t think our inspector liked opening the attic in the last place and being greeted with piles of bat poop. But you also get to see really beautiful homes, clean new construction with top of the line features, and stunning old New England homes that are like living history.

We arrive and everyone is already there and ready to go. The septic guy has already been out back to make his assessment and he greets us first. Red flag number two! This is the same guy we used on the last house and he recognizes Tim after a minute and then he recalls the other house. Then he apologizes and gets a bit of a grim look on his face. The leach field is shot. He shows us the lush grass in the back yard, the overflowing tank and the clear evidence that this system has not been maintained in the 20 years since the house was built. He fails the system and gives us a rough quote between $7,000-$10,000 to replace the leach field. Not a fun way to start the home inspection.

We move on to look at the rest of the home. Things look ok. Certainly better than the last house, and hey, there are people living in this one, that’s certainly an improvement. The rest of the house comes back without too many concerns. Structurally the house is in good shape. The upstairs bathroom could use a serious makeover, the house just needs some cosmetics (and a new leach field) and she’ll be good to go. We’re still encouraged, we wish everything were perfect of course, but we also know this is our reality and we feel that we can still make this work. So we go back to the sellers and ask them to fix the leach field and then we’ll proceed with buying the house.

We agreed to an extension while the sellers had someone quote them a price for a new leach field. When they got the quote back, they decided that they would rather fix the septic and relist the house at the previous asking price. To them, the house was worth the full asking price because it had a new septic installed. Funny about that – they relisted the house within hours of rejecting our contract and it’s still listed, with no mention of a new septic in the description.

I feel slightly bitter as I write this out and relive it. There was a lot to this house that we really loved and that would have been a great match for our family. Every time I get bitter though, I try to catch myself and think of the downsides. As frustrating as it is to be nine months into this search and still without a house, I have to remember that there is a reason(or two) that this house didn’t work out But we can’t know the whys just yet, so in the meantime I’ve decided to believe that when we find the house that’s meant for us, the reasons will become clear.




Friday, May 27, 2011

This Moment


A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by SouleMama.


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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Six Years

It's been six years today since my Dad died. I’ve never written about his death here on the blog. I’ve never talked much about his death really and I’m not sure why that is. I’m sure there are a number of factors, not the least of which is how we as a society react to death. There seems to be an allotted grieving time immediately following the loss of a loved one and after that point it’s somehow indecent to still be in mourning or to continue talking about the loss. In the days immediately after he passed I kept busy as my brother and I cleaned my parents’ home in preparation of family visiting. The weeks after, I had my own little family to care for, a two year old to keep up with and a full time job that I could let distract me. I kept thinking I’d get to it, I kept expecting to take some Saturday and just let myself feel sad and let it all out. I never got to it.


It does seem acceptable to talk about the deceased lovingly after they are gone, to remember them fondly, to say, “Oh he would have loved this.” But to plainly sit and talk about his dying, about the months leading up to his death, my reaction to his passing, how it affected our family – in many ways I’ve felt like I couldn’t talk about it. To be quite honest, a big part of why I haven’t talked about it is because I feel relief that my Dad is not alive anymore. But that’s certainly not an acceptable statement. I’m not saying I’m glad he’s not here, but I did feel a sense of relief for him. I am glad that he’s not battling the same demons day in and day out. I am glad that he’s no longer in pain in any form.

The day my dad died, was almost exactly like today. Maybe that’s why I’ve felt it’s ok to begin talking about it. It was the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend, May 26th. It was warm and sunny, everything was green and lush. Quite the juxtaposition to the grimness of death and loss.

My dad had been diagnosed with Brain Cancer just before Christmas and we knew the prognosis was 6 months at most. The fact that he had been able to celebrate his birthday (along with mine and my brother’s) in April had been a small blessing. My mom and I had both felt lucky that he had stayed with us for that long. His actual passing was quiet, calm and really, kind of beautiful, as difficult as it was. My mom, brother and sister and I were able to be in the room with him. He was not in pain, he was sleeping and his breathing slowed and then stopped. He passed just before 6am, which still makes me smile now because he always woke up between 5:30 and 6 every morning. It was just such a “Dad” thing. The man had timing I guess.

We left the hospital after a bit and my brother & I started to clean my parents’ house, knowing that family would be coming on Sunday for a quiet memorial for my Dad. So, logically I went to the store to get supplies. As I drove I was stunned by how beautiful it was outside. It was warm, sunny, a perfect start to a long weekend and the unofficial start of summer. It was horrid. It was the complete contrast to how I was feeling inside and I couldn’t deal with it. I got the supplies I needed and went to check out. The cashier was super friendly (as they always are at this local shop) and greeted me with the common, “How are you?” and for the first time since I was a kid, I actually thought about my response before it came out of my mouth. How was I? Oh, you complete stranger, you really do not want the honest answer to that question. I managed a pleasant enough, “Fine,” and waited as he rang up my items. I knew I could make it through check out and back to the car. I started making lists in my head, where to start cleaning, which pictures mom would like out, what to do for dinner tonight. I was doing fine – until the cashier attempted a conversation.

“Getting some cleaning done before the party this weekend?”
Sir, I’m begging you to stop asking questions.

“Just doing some cleaning.” I had to force each syllable out of my mouth.

“It’s a beautiful day out there, going to be a great weekend!” He handed me my receipt
Finally I could leave. I don’t think I even said “thank you” but just got out of there as fast as I could. How could that man ask me such questions? How could he say it was going to be a great weekend? How could he be in such a good mood? By the time I sat in the car my brain caught up with the rest of me. I looked around and saw happy people, saw unhappy people, saw cars travelling, people buying groceries, pumping gas, going for a walk. I saw life moving along. Logically, I knew that life would continue after my Dad died, I knew I would feel sad, but I understood the nature of life. I wasn’t resentful of our mortality and in fact, I felt very grateful that we had warning about my Dad’s passing so I had time to spend with him before he died. But when it actually happened, it felt impossible to be sitting there watching the world continue on, when someone who had been such a big part of mine was gone.

That’s the beauty of life and death though. The grace in how life does continue, we do move forward. The trick is, to remember the good parts, to think fondly of those we’ve lost and to talk about them, to keep them with us in our way. That’s the great thing about love, it’s not strict about time. I haven’t been able to really process my Dad’s death fully, I’m not sure that I ever will, but I realize now that’s ok. I loved my dad, I can be sad I about his death, I can miss him whenever I want to and I can talk about that when it feels right to me. On the date of his passing, on our birthday, or on a random Tuesday.

Love makes no sense of space or time ~ U2


(Yeah, I quoted U2 in the post about my dead dad. He would have loved it!)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Tuesday Tunes

For Dad
And these streets
Quiet as a sleeping army
Send their battered dreams to heaven, to heaven
For the mother's restless son
Who is a witness to, who is a warrior
Who denies his urge to break and run
Who says: hard times?
I'm used to them
The speeding planet burns
I'm used to that
My life's so common it disappears

And sometimes even music
Cannot substitute for tears








The Cool, Cool River - Paul Simon
Moves like a fist through the traffic
Anger and no one can heal it
Shoves a little bump into the momentum
It's just a little lump
But you feel it
In the creases and the shadows
With a rattling deep emotion
The cool, cool river
Sweeps the wild, white ocean

Yes boss. the government handshake
Yes boss. the crusher of language
Yes boss. mr. stillwater,
The face at the edge of the banquet
The cool, the cool river
The cool, the cool river

I believe in the future
I may live in my car
My radio tuned to
The voice of a star
Song dogs barking at the break of dawn
Lightning pushes the edge of a thunderstorm
And these old hopes and fears
Still at my side

Anger and no one can heal it
Slides through the metal detector
Lives like a mole in a motel
A slide in a slide projector
The cool, cool river
Sweeps the wild, white ocean
The rage of love turns inward
To prayers of devotion
And these prayers are
The constant road across the wilderness
These prayers are
These prayers are the memory of god
The memory of god

And I believe in the future
We shall suffer no more
Maybe not in my lifetime
But in yours I feel sure
Song dogs barking at the break of dawn
Lightning pushes the edges of a thunderstorm
And these streets
Quiet as a sleeping army
Send their battered dreams to heaven, to heaven
For the mother's restless son
Who is a witness to, who is a warrior
Who denies his urge to break and run


Who says: hard times?
I'm used to them
The speeding planet burns
I'm used to that
My life's so common it disappears
And sometimes even music
Cannot substitute for tears

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Tuesday Tunes

Make me dance, I want to surrender
Your familiar arms, I remember
Everybody's talking about you
Every word's a whisper without you








I Didn't See It Coming - Belle & Sebastian
Make me dance, I want to surrender
Your familiar arms, I remember
We've been going transcontinental
Got no car, we just take a rental

But we don't have the money
(money makes the wheels and the world go round)
Forget about it, honey

Make me dance, I want to surrender
Your familiar arms, I remember
Everybody's talking about you
Every word's a whisper without you

But we don't have the money
(money makes the wheels and the world go round)
Forget about it, honey
Trouble's never far away when you're around

I didn't see it coming
I'm just not in the running

Take me on a train 'cos I'm not flying
I can see the world from a different side
Read about us in the morning papers
When we make it alive

I didn't see it coming
I'm just not in the running

And we don't need a lifetime
We're following the right line

Sunday, May 15, 2011

This Moment

A Friday (or Sunday) ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by SouleMama.





Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Home Buying Chronicles Part 2

Almost Our Dream House

As I said in my last recounting of this process, I spend a lot of time checking listings. It’s easy, it’s online, it’s free and I can do it about 12 times a day without neglecting my children. It’s perfect really. This winter, thanks to my obsessive scouring I came across a house that we had liked but thought was gone. Turns out it wasn't, it was re-listed. There was a reason, or twelve for that, and we should have seen that as a red flag. But when you’re new to this and operating on a conservative budget, you don’t rule out potential. Ever.

This was a cute, cozy little house. You can see from some of the pics below, it had a distinctive New England charm. It had some lovely little details that just made it so appealing. Like touches of Victorian architecture on the porch, eaves and angles and, my favorite, a cookstove!!!


So, on the last Friday of 2010, Tim & I went to look at this house. It was pretty wonderful. It was the first house that we walked into and could really picture ourselves living in. We both agreed on the spot that we wanted to make an offer. We did so on Monday and a week later our offer was accepted! Hurrah! Now, we had to deal with acquiring quotes from a few specialists to fix things like the roof, the boiler, the front steps, and the kitchen floor. At the start, this all seemed totally doable. We would be applying for a rehab loan which would give us a thirty thousand dollars dedicated to fixing areas of the house in disrepair. When we made our offer, we didn't think there were many areas of concern. We were proven wrong.

Home inspections are a wonderful thing. The fact that they are not mandatory in some states blows my mind. Also, if you are local and need the name of a great home inspection company, please let me know. We have used this same company twice now, and will at use them least once more since we still don’t own a home. They have been nothing but professional, thorough and sincere.

Our inspection turned up:

  1. Asbestos on the heating pipes in the basement
  2. Mold in the basement
  3. Bat guano in the attic
  4. Ungrounded electric outlets in the kitchen
  5. Questionable leach field

The issues we were already aware of: Needed New Roof

  1. New Front Porch steps
  2. Kitchen floor
  3. Storm window replacements
  4. New front door
  5. New garage doors

I know what you’re thinking, “You wanted to live there?!” Yes, yes we did. After everything was fixed of course. So, we kept on. We lined up our contractors for different aspects of the work, we started pursuing our financing and set up a time to do the water test. Normally, when you do a home inspection you do the water test at the same time. They just take a sample from the sink and send it to the lab. This house was unoccupied though, so the pipes were winterized and it wasn’t so easy to just turn a faucet and get water. We set up another date, after coordinating with the selling agent/bank and the plan was, so long as the water test came back ok, we’d be buying this house. The next step was financing and our mortgage broker was ready to go. We had all of our paper work prepared, our quotes signed and dated, we were chomping at the bit. Just needed that water test.

The day arrives, the “final” hurdle in this part of the process. Tim heads over to the house with Ben in tow. The poor kid has heard us talking about this house for almost two months now, we’ve driven past it, he deserves to check it out. Tim arrives at the house and as he pulls up the road he sees the home inspector’s car and a local Police cruiser. Turns out, someone broke into the house sometime between Friday, when we had the Mold Remediation folks out to do their quote, and Monday. Why would they break into an empty house you ask? Well, it wasn't just any empty house, it was a 110 year old empty house = aka, a home full of copper piping which can really earn you some cash. The lovely person/people, broke in and stole the copper piping and because there wasn't as much as they had hoped, they cut out a bit of electric wiring as well. Tim was hearing all of this from the selling agent while the cop is taking notes and photos. The cop then leaves only to return with a finger dusting kit. Seriously. This is how we roll in Maine people. It’s one of the benefits of a low crime level, when crime does happen, the authorities are ON it. Keep in mind Ben is tagging along throughout all of this. So, as the home inspector is breaking the news that we can’t get a water test without pipes, the cop is dusting for fingerprints and Ben is sitting on the dining room floor eating his bologna sandwich and watching the goings on. That’s homeschooling for you. Think you’re having a boring day? Just follow Dad around on errand and boom! You’re suddenly getting a lesson in how and why police dust for fingerprints.

Tim came home with the bad news and I admit I did not take it well. But we didn't give up hope. We figured the bank that owned the house had insured it so they would fix the damages, we’d get our water test and move forward. It’d slow things down a bit, but we weren't sunk yet. Well, what you think a bank will do concerning an unoccupied home and what they will do can be radically different. The bank offered to reduce the selling price by $5,000, the cost of the damages. This would have been great IF we didn't already have a laundry list that was maxing out our rehab budget of $30K. We had no way to come up with another $5,000 to fix the damages ourselves and the pipes HAD to be fixed for us to do a water test. Our choices were to leave the mold and bat guano, and spend that $5,000 on repairing pipes. Not exactly a choice. Sadly, this is where we parted ways with this house.

Tim & I still talk about the house fondly. It was a sweet little New Englander from 1890, in a great neighborhood, only 15 minutes from where we currently live and right next to a large wooded park. It really could have been our dream home, but clearly it isn't. We joke now that the universe had to speak sternly to us about this house. It had so many issues when we started trying to buy it that we really should have walked away. But we didn't, and instead the universe had to say, “Dudes! You need to fix twenty things!”

We didn't listen.

“Dudes! You have to remove asbestos!”

We had a plan for that.

“Dudes! You need a new roof!”

We know, we’ve added it to the list of quotes.

“Dudes! Your leach field might be shot.”

It might not.

“DUDES! Someone broke in and now you have no pipes, walk away!”

Maybe we should walk away? Yup, we need to walk away now.

About two weeks after we received our deposit back, I saw the house relisted for $5,000 less what we were going to buy it for. (See, that constant checking again) It sat for a little while but is no longer listed, so my hope is that someone is buying it and will be able to turn it back into the great little home it is. Maybe they’ll just fix it up and relist it before we find something else? Maybe? I might not be patient enough for that.






Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Tuesday Tunes

In the suburbs I
I learned to drive
And you told me we'd never survive
Grab your mother's keys we're leavin'






The Suburbs - Arcade Fire
In the suburbs I
I learned to drive
And you told me we'd never survive
Grab your mother's keys we're leavin'

You always seemed so sure
That one day we'd be fighting
A suburban war
your part of town against mine
I saw you standing on the opposite shore

But by the time the first bombs fell
We were already bored
We were already, already bored

Sometimes I can't believe it
I'm movin' past the feeling
Sometimes I can't believe it
I'm movin' past the feeling again

Kids wanna be so hard
But in my dreams we're still screamin' and runnin' through the yard
And all of the walls that they built in the seventies finally fall
And all of the houses they built in the seventies finally fall
Meant nothin' at all
Meant nothin' at all
It meant nothin

Sometimes I can't believe it
I'm movin' past the feeling
Sometimes I can't believe it
I'm movin' past the feeling and into the night

So can you understand?
Why I want a daughter while I'm still young
I wanna hold her hand
And show her some beauty
Before this damage is done

But if it's too much to ask, it's too much to ask
Then send me a son

Under the overpass
In the parking lot we're still waiting
It's already passed
So move your feet from hot pavement and into the grass
Cause it's already passed
It's already, already passed!

Sometimes I can't believe it
I'm movin' past the feeling
Sometimes I can't believe it
I'm movin' past the feeling again

I'm movin' past the feeling
I'm movin' past the feeling

In my dreams we're still screamin'
We're still screamin'
We're still screamin'