Monday, June 8, 2009


Hormones are fun. They are especially amazing and entertaining when you're enjoying them during your third pregnancy while also trying to care for a toddler and a six year old. Admittedly, they haven't been too bad. I like to think that I haven't flipped out on the boys too often or gotten upset with them over really small things in the last few months. But I know I'm either getting a really potent, fresh batch of hormones soon or my boys are just being kids and I'm just a tired preggo and either way - it's not a great combination. In my head, things are a lot worse than they are on the outside. I was talking to a friend the other day and caught myself saying for the upteenth time that conversation "I'm sorry, I'm being a raging bitch." Her response, "No you're not. If this is you being a raging bitch you need raging lessons." I'm keeping these words in the forfront of my brain throughout the rest of this pregnancy. And to my dear friend who said this, I'm sending you a muffin basket or flowers or just a weekly statement of my undying loyalty and willingness to clean your bathroom for the rest of my life in gratitude. Sometimes, we think things are so bad and that we're projecting that outwards and it's nice to know that at least right now, I'm keeping most of it inside. This is good for my kids (they don't need to hear my internal frustrations all day long), good for my friends (they'll put up with me hanging around longer if I'm not Debbie Downer) and good for me in general cause it means I'm not quite as crazy as I think I am. Not yet anyway...we've got 17 more weeks to go plus the postpartum period - plenty of time to get wacky!

So, since it's all worse in my head I figured I'd share some of it here.

1) To the woman at Wal Mart: Learn some manners. I asked you where the maternity bras were and was answered with, "We don't carry those anymore. We don't have ANY maternity department now." Your tone was disgusting and insulting. Even my partner who thinks I over analyze everything noticed your tone and the clear disgust that you seem to have with pregnant women needing maternity undergarments. Perhaps you've never had been pregnant and haven't had the joyus experience of having your underwear fit fine one day and the next leave makrs on your hips so deep and red you're convinced you've sprouted new stretch marks at lunch. It's bad enough that you didn't have what I was looking for but to say it with such hatred was unnecessary. All I really heard you say was, "No, you're pregnant and pregnant women don't deserve to wear clothes that fit them."

2) Nate - I love you beyond words my dear child but if you continue to take naps past 3pm and then refuse to go to sleep before 11pm I might very well think of signing you up for a summer sleep away camp. (kidding!) Seriously though, can we get back onto that nice schedule where you slept from 12:30-2 and then you were ready for bed around 8:30 and your mama actually slept too and life was easy, each day was sunny and we were always happy because we were well rested? Huh, can we do that? pllleeeeeease? Also, can you please stop greeting me with scary faces in the morning? Yes, they are funny but watching you pinch your cheeks, pull your mouth open and stick out your tongue while saying "eehhhhHH!" is not really the way I dream of starting my day. Thanks baby!

3) Ben - I love you dearly my first born but could you please stop waking your brother up within minutes of getting up yourself? And can you stop waking him up by saying, "Hey Nate!" right near his face which is usually about eight inches from my face? Thanks, that'd be awesome!

4) WebMD - Can you give better descriptions with your symptom checker? I picked two symptoms and wound up with a list of 15 possible ailments. Ten of which I know can't be possible for me. I was trying to reassure myself before a doctor's appt tomorrow and instead I'm worrying about things I never knew existed. Gracias.

5) Negativos - The lovely random people that I've been running into at the groccery store, gas station etc who just seem pissed at the world. I'm tired, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with my life at the moment, but I'm still freaking happy like 98% of the time. Can you fake a smile? Or at least hide your intense dislike for the world while out in public? It's bringing the rest of us down!

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